my body feels noodley from that workout today

I’ve decided I don’t really enjoy running outside,  actually no, I do but everyone stares and I feel like I go so slow and that I’m stopping so much for stop signs and stuff. 

Sigh.

I also don’t think I’m losing weight okay.

I have a meet tomorrow and it’s the first one I’m allowing my parents to come to.

I haven’t let them come yet because I’m scared that I’ll do bad and they’ll think of me differently. I feel like I’ve built up the althetic card, so to say, and they think of me as someone who is very atheletic and such so I don’t want them to see me fail or running behind or not make it. I want them to be proud. And not only that, I want to be proud of myself. I want to be able to look back on a meet and know I pushed myself and pr-ed or did the best that I could and to have someone, like my parents, witness that would make it more real, I think. I’m just scared. I’ve been a mental case with high jump lately. I know I can jump nicely but today during practice I was literally a mess. I’m scared. It’s like I get up to the bar and get scared. That’s what happened at the last invite. I had a bunch of great jumps but once I got up to my PR height I looked at the bar and freaked. I dove into the mat, like my face was on the mat. I was scared I’d fail. I’m trying to visualize it but I’m just remembering all the mistakes I made at practice. Ugg. I hope I do well. I want to show my parents all the hard work that I do. I have a feeling I won’t and it’ll be one of those “lessons” but uggjfkadsljfads. 

I’ll do my best I guess. 

I am strong, I healthy.

I will not let that 7th grader who can jump 4’8 discourage me.

I will get up to the bar and jump.

I will not let fear take over. 

It’s all a mind game.

So get over it.

I can easily jump 4’6 so stop psyching myself out. 

I will lead in the races on Wednesday.

I will run like I did today during my 400m.

Driven, strength, focus.

I will continue to lose weight and gain muscle. 

Stop these head games. 

Oh and I’ll be okay with whatever I got on the ACT last week and whatever I get tomorrow.

I will go in and drive hard and focus during the science section specifically.

Schools want me so I don’t have to worry.

It’ll be fine.

I’m more than an ACT score.

Unlike other people I know.

Take for example the people in my spanish class.

Specifically the girls named sa- no. 

It’ll be fine. Drive drive drive. Clarity. 

I need to follow more blogs! Reblog if you’re a fitblr and I will for sure follow you.

→ reblogged from gyminthepm, originally from gotta-be-fit
→ 137 notes, posted 1 month ago

My abs have gotten so strong lately but I’m binging too much for them to come out. I don’t know why I do this, I just do. I get home and crave chocolate and I go to no ends until I find it or something to fulfill it. God, I COULD BE SO STRONG YET HERE I GO. 

I’ve literally gotten worse at the track season has gone on. I think I’ve gain a good 5 pounds of fat too. I don’t understand these cycles but I’m honestly so slow versus what I was before. Like I was close to lapping people and now they’re almost lapping me. I feel so fat and I just keep binging. Now it’s going to be forever until I lose this weight. And I have this anxious feeling that I just need to work out, yet I have no time besides practice and we’re supposed to be tapering. ugg.